i think i’m giving up. i’m alone and nobody gives a shit about my feelings. i’m tired of suffering silently.
My mind is so destroyed. I feel like I’ve been through way more than I deserve. I tried so hard but I can’t be expected to be invincible. I’ve lived my life, but all I know is struggle and fighting. I tried to hang on to my emotions, and hung onto them far longer than I should have.
I found love, you see. And it was bad love, and that’s like a drug–probably more like heroine than cocaine, though. It was like she was two people; one was compassionate and great, and the other was cruel and low. I fell in love with her though, but only the compassionate side. She was a completely different person half of the time, though. This Jekyll and Hyde relationship went on for 2 and a half years. By then I had invested a literal unbelievable amount of my life, socially, emotionally and financially I was all in. I even opted out of taking the second half of my senior year so I could work to help support her and get her moved out when her mom started doing drugs.
I feel empty now, because she was horrible to me in return. I was stupid for staying with her, but it got to the point where I figured I was already beyond repair and had nothing to lose if I stayed with her. Even then, when I did have the strength to leave she was so manipulative. It took me months to get the courage to leave. I waited too long and now my mind is destroyed.